The Journey to Birth Home

Could it be that the journey to Bethlehem is paved upon the road of our own DNA?
24 years ago, my world as I knew it fell completely a part. The dam broke and rivers of tumultuous emotion from the depths of my being began crashing through into consciousness. With these came the devastation and complete demise of the survival structures created thus far at age 18. Waking life became a journey saturated with unexplained terror, traveling through an unknown and very much underground wilderness. The people in my life went on around me, their structures still very much intact, as I began the deep sea mission through caves of murky unformed parts of self, long left by the wayside and now wanting to come back into wholeness. It was very much a journey to the depths to retrieve everything lost, to restore the genetic material of my DNA into the light-being in matter that was the true intention of this birth. “Talk about your fixer upper!” It was a mess. A mess of scattered unrecognizable pieces laced with self repellence, unforgiveness and terror of being known. Well the good news was that the light had finally broken through and the bad news was that: yes, the light had finally broken through!. But now, I was the mother of all these pieces, and it was my task to somehow return them all home to the beautiful pristine re-combination they once new before the fall into separation.

Looking back now, I see that throughout this whole journey there have been and still are, two main tasks to accomplish: 1) the task of restoring and aligning the potential genetic material of self and 2) the journey to find a place in which this potential can be nourished to its full flowering. Now after studying and experiencing something called “Peak states” work which highlights in utero experiences and their effect on psycho-spiritual development, I know that these two themes are the first 2 major tasks a spirit faces upon entering matter: conception and implantation. While conception achieved to its fullest is experienced as a sacred marriage between the masculine and feminine ( sperm and egg) and a glorious exchanging of this core genetic material, implantation involves finding a place on the mother’s womb wall for this seed to have a space to be nourished and to grow to it’s full potential. Here, you, the seed, find a place to put down your roots and experience your mother joining you in partnership to bring forth the maximum potential of your genetic material, providing the most optimal environment possible to carry out the plan of your soul’s recipe and enabling the most full expression of you into matter.

Well, Suffice it to say, my experiences of both conception and implantation were pretty disastrous, the church got bombed at conception and there weren’t no room at the in at impantation. Otherwise, everything was just fine. So at 18 when all hell broke loose, I was back in the womb for a do-over to get it right the second time. to both achieve successful conception and successful implantation and in a very real sense, become the womb that would house this 24 year process of second birth. No wonder I was not able to get it right the first time! For the journey, I would become both the mother and the embryo growing within my own womb, living in the topside and the pre-birth world at the same time, forced to make sense of both for neither would be denied. The pressure to make money to support the outside world would be rivaled only by the demand to provide nourishment for the growing embryo. The task has been and continues to be daunting. The only way to feed both parts of self is to find a way to earn money that actually contributes to –the upliftment, healing and continued growth of the embryo. This is really where I am right now as I write these words. And I believe that this is a place where many of us find ourselves right now, living in a world who’s structures reflect separation and very compromised levels of light, how do we feed this precious embryo of light within us that craves such joy and light

To begin to answer this question, I want to share a marvelous dream that I had.
In the dream I was a human embryo and from my naval, there was a chord reaching out into the universe to connect with the cosmic mother. The chord was made of living butterflies!! I woke in awe to realize that my process of seeking place was actually occurring on 2 levels at once. While my pre-birth self was struggling to find my birth mother’s womb wall, my 42 year old self was, at the same time, desperately reaching out to find the womb wall of the Cosmic Mother. Then I realized that all of us at this time are, in one way or another, having to tune into this cosmic mother. She and she alone can tell us our place in the larger plan. Without her our life feels as lost as that fertilized egg floating in oblivion of disconnection to it’s birth mother, We, like that egg, are in need of the instructions for where to go and what to do that only our cosmic mother has, telling us our roles in birthing the body of her magnum opus. The next great birth in our cosmos.

I want to go back to my dream for a moment and share the magnificent multi colored vibrance of the butterfly umbilical chord.: my umbilical chord was actually made of huge bunches of living gorgeously beautiful rainbow colored butterflies braided, thick rows of them forming the spiraling chord reaching up into the black void of space to join with the cosmic mother. It was so magnificently awesome. I love the butterflies being the actual material of the umbilical chord: they the creatures of metamorphosis, they, whose new form only rises out of the old form’s complete surrender, they who wait in darkness as their previously held bodies are rendered into formless goo where the imaginal cells are enabled to achieve the correct alignment that yields the new and glorious creature of flight. There is so much to learn from the butterfly, the veteran species of death and re-birth, the one who knows intimately the process of surrendering to higher intelligence to be fully remade.

Like the butterfly’s journey, this is a time of great pre-birth and formlessness, often appearing chaotic and even senseless and cruel. These are chaotic times that we feel and see inside and out. But if we can hold onto the bigger picture and always remember to recover the knowing that a much grander intelligence than we is at work here and it is making something marvelous, perhaps we can begin to lay back and allow ourselves to surrender to the process, knowing that we are being re-made in a form that is truly useful to the divine intelligence behind it all. To do this we must open to let ourselves be guided by forces that may seem alien and often times will take us right into the jaws of the dragon, right into our deepest pain, And this is absolutely where our higher self most wants us to go in order that we feel what we have been resisting and re-member the rejected parts of self back into our beautiful hearts, bringing light to the darkness and darkness into the light.

This is the work of the divine mother we are all being asked to become. We are all like Mary, carrying our bundle of wounds and pains pregnant with our own rememberment to birth the Christ child within. Only, from our partnership with the divine can we birth the structures that will be the vibrational match to quell our own specialized appetites and our own totally unique strands in this great web that remembers the new earth. Each one of us carries a potential life form that is the highest answer to the divine’s call to birth heaven on earth. This is how we, in our small lives, can partner hand and hand with the divine intelligence to transform the present day grid ( expressing largely in fear and separation consciousness) into the new grid (that will be the living expression of unity consciousness and celebration, governed by divine love and reverence for all of life.) So, in a sense we are like Mary traveling through the darkest night, but unlike Mary in that we are truly pregnant with our own homes: homes made of love, light and beauty, ;homes fashioned from the beauty that we have recovered and will continue recovering in the days to come from out of the darkest night; homes fashioned out of the incredible mother-love that it has taken to gather, again and again, the broken pieces into the central fires to come home. Each time achieving a more perfect order, each time coming to the devastation and bringing the incoming wounded into the heart to be polished so lovingly and washed so pristinely clean by our tender tears; homes brought into existence by our hunger for what is beautiful and what is right.

Here I am reminded of words to Enya’s song, “ May it be”. May it be an evening star shines down upon you. May it be when darkness comes your heart will be true. You walk a lonely road. Oh how far you are from home. May it be the shadows call will fly away, May it be your journey on to light the day. When the night has overcome, we will rise to find the dawn. A promise lives within you now, A promise lives within you now. “ A promise lives within all of us now and lying wait in the unexpressed potential of this moment is the genetic material of unity consciousness in it’s beautifully and fully expressed form, a new earth and a glorious destiny for us all. Thank you to all of us for all we are doing to bring this world into being!

Sarah Adams is a teacher, musician, artist, healer and minister in the Portland area who works with children, and the creative spirit in people of all ages. Through the mediums of music art, movement, sound healing dramatic play, guided imagery and dream work, she helps people to access their authentic identities and align with their connection to the divine plan. Sarah specializes in areas of bringing hope, inspiration and nourishment to those weary of the fear and despair that are the ever-present offspring of the current-day grid of separation consciousness, assisting them in illuming the path ahead and finding satisfying meaning to the great journey of becoming. Sarah can be reached at,

shallow focus photography of brown and white butterfly on orange and yellow flowers during daytime
Photo by Pixabay on

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